***WishList***
Driving Licence
FossiL Watch
Motorola V3i
Laptop
Converse new arrival
Ipod speaker
Elle Wallet
Nike Jacket
Fred Perry Shoe
Slip ons
Pony Sneakerz
Ipod Mini
Levis
Toyota Rush (U mus be thinkin im nuts!)
Brikens

I'm so silly. So stupid. So naive. Now I had learn already. I feel like a junk. A rubbish. Its totally not worth it. I'm going to change. Its not good to see that person enjoying and I'm suffering right here. I'll forget it entirely. Bring myself up. I'll wake up. Girls are bitches, but guys are real Bastards. Thanks to that person, I feel that all guys are nothing but bastards now.



Loniness and emptiness filled my heart. 

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, we will never lose our value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, we are still priceless to those who DO LOVE us. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are. Count our blessings, not our problems. I believe If God brings me to it, He will bring me through it.


Gazing out of the window... Starring at my com's screen.. I feel so lost and vulnerable. Where was the happy and strong Jieqi that once gave another impression to her friends and her family members? Can't believe she is facing something that will take her ages to heal. Be it months or years, she still can't believe the ending. She finds this world extreme unfair. She is feeling weak. Everytime when she is determined to get up, she was kicked right on the face again. And this time, she had fallen right down. She is tearing apart.... Theres so many many things she don't know how to explain to her friends or parents when they ask. Ever since the 15th of July till now, I've been going through much more than hell.


I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender just to hear your voice

I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live with out you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.

Vida, give me back my fantasies
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe.
my world has becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I tastenthe purest of pain.

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away
but to tell you the truth I can't find my way
and deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.



Today I've come to realise and know alot of things. How would you feel if someone you loved so much turned out to broadcast he or she hates you because of something you couldn't control? That feeling is worse than hell. I can never believe it. Never ever. Its just so unfair. And I'm feeling that right now. Never ever thought this ending would come. Never. I just don't freaking believe it. I'm an enemy now to the person I love most. How more worse could life be for me? Why can't at least be friends? Why must hate me because of some retard things I canot control and is not of my business? Thanks for letting me see the change in you. Somehow, after all this, I still hope we could at least be friends. Never thought the ending was like this. Its the worst it could ever be. God, all of this gotto and better be a lie.


When I woke up this morning, the things came all back once again. I wonder how I'm ever going to get through this tough time alone everynight before I sleep and every morning after I woke up. No words can describe what my heart is feeling right now. The songs Duan Dian by Zhang Jing Xuan and Melody by Tao Ze totally says part of my heart now. Going to school now, hoping and praying for a busy day...


I wrote the post 3 times but error occurs. It was actually quite long but now im lazy but to do a nutshell of it. Just finished 2 of my reports which will be due tomorrow. Went to a church at CCK just now to watched the play "eternity". Got to see my juniors and Joel. Invited Joel along as he was the very "on" kind for Christthingys. Enjoyed the show and found myself relate to some of the characters in that play. Learnt somethingsfrom the play. Many times I find myself far away from God and always sinning even when I know its wrong.I think I need to change to a better person. Somehow, God seems to make me realise that life is all about fallingdown and standing up all over again.

After the play, got a call from dad that he is fetching me. Asked my frens if they need a life but not much response. In the end, my dad sent Joel home as he stays nearby.

Right now, my heart is still feeling empty and other mixed feelings. Many things are not yet able to forget.Find myself extreme tired going through all these and extreme weak. But thats when I start to learn to be strong. Whenever I miss him now, I'll live by the memories we once had. Got to go now. A long and busy day tomorrow again. I somehow prefer my life to be more busy and occupied. That is the only time when I can take my mind off the unhappy things. Signing off now.


Writing my blog at this very moment, seems to be the hardest task ever. I don't know where and how to start. Uncountable accumulated days of untolerable misery and the non-stop mentally torturing "never say die or stop trying" attitude is all coming to end today. Even when I'm blogging now, can't help it but to get teary all over once again. I've come to learn many things. That loving doesn't means you need to have that person by your side. As long as you know that he or she will be much more happy if leaving you, then set him/her free. Is easy to say, but extreme hard to control your heart and mind. The saddest thing in life is that no good things last forever. I'm grateful for the wonderful memories, and thus I'll bury all of it into one corner of my heart. 

The sad thing is the many efforts and sacrifice all put into it had all ended and wasted so easily . And the saddest is that you are fading away in that person's heart so fast like the wind. I can never believe it. The EVERYTHING and SO and SO that I had done, was never enough to overcome or stop some matters. I tried everyday but to find out that I was only clapping with one hand, walking with one leg. Can't help but set it free this time.

For the very 1st time in my life ever, this morning, I went to my mum's room and cried and broke down in front of her. This morning, my heart was feeling the weakest ever. Making my mum sad, making her worried for me. Thank God she was there and gave me advices and consoled me. No1 is ever better than your own parents. I so wanted to say sorry to her for the many lies I once told her, for the horrible grades I got for neglecting my studies, and for the many times I shouted at her when I was feeling down.

Relationships are often fragile and disappointing. To my friends who are happily attached, do cherish the one you love before its too late. I've cried really so much for the past 1 week or so. And now its time to let go since I could never make him happy again. I did try. And I never stopped trying. But it was of no use. I want to start anew. I want my heart to go strong. Though my heart is really broken this time, life still has to go on for me. Thank God for making me realising so many things, and waking me up.


Went to school early to do group reports. Had lectures and then went for training. Really tired and exhausted. Many thoughts ran through my mind in school. Couldn't really concentrate. Still have to finish 2 reports and 1 tutorial by tonight. I just feel like sleeping. Had a heart to heart talk with Cindy. Though I don't know her well. But just let the feelings in me flow out once again. Sad to know that she is not going through any better than me. Hope you concentrate more on your studies instead of thinking about all the stuffs. In someway, we're so alike in terms of the heart matters... I Hate the time when I take bus home alone. During the journey everyday, I Can't help but to recall many things. I most hate the nights now. I've so much work yet to finish, got to rush them now... 



School is so long and packed. Had to stay back everyday now to do group reports. Headache.. Actually wanted to catch Brotherhood with Wanling and Grace today.. But didn't in the end... And sorry Weiling and Joel, for changing the date to go for the play. Sorry ya? My mum had been very unhappy with me for the past few days and even today. Theres so much things I need to explain to her but don't know how to. Sighz. Tomorrow is a long day again. 10am - 9pm in sch... Signing off here.


Was invited to this Chirstian play tomorrow called "eternity" at night. I will be turning up. Anyone interested can join in. And Brotherhood? Anyone?


I feel sad, but more of angry. Many times things are just btw the 2 of us. What do others know. Because of some comments, I was forced to lose all over again. What an unfair world. What am i?


Went to cut my hair today. A friend once told me, she loves to cut hair because cutting hair means a new beginning. Will there be a new beginning for me?


The tears just can't stop flowing. Ive finally lost you this time. My heart is really empty. I need a long time to heal from now. Even, if u're not mine now, I still wish you find your hapiness. Farewell, my deepest love.



How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you,
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me,When all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we’ve shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
 take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that’s what I’ve got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you,So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there’s just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that’s what I’ve got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all oddsI
t’s the chance I’ve gotta take
Take a look at me now


静静的陪你走了好远好远，连眼睛红了都没有发现。这条旧路依然没有改变，以往的每次路过都是情点。 想起我们有过的从前， 泪水就一点一点开始漫延。每当我闭上眼，我总是刻意看见， 实行的诺言就会全不实现。


Everything I do now is another mistake.


If only you could feel what I feel, see what I see. If only I could also feel what you feel and what you see.  


I totally had a bad and screwed day. Went to school early in the morning. Woke up at 6+ as there was pratical lesson at 8am. Reached there and saw my "click". Others were not here. We waited and waited like idiots. Damn the irresponsible new class rap. Knew the lesson was cancelled and didn't tell the whole class! Just tell his friends. This means 8 - 11 am we are going to do nothing! So shitty. could have slept at home instead... Then went to clementi since we had such long break. It was raining like cats and dogs. On our way back to school I fell down at the stairs and landed on my butt. Real shit and painful. Really a dampened day. My back is hurting all over now + the muscle aches I got from training on Wednesday. 2 - 5pm. Another pratical session. Teacher had reservice. So another lecturer took us on. SHit happens again. A China lecturer telling and explaining the whole experiment to 7 of us in a group. Have to pour the chemicals to a certain limit into the volumetric flask. God knows what happened to me. Over pour the line and had to re-do it. After finishing everything, the lecturer didn't even tell us what we were supposed to do for the Data Sheet Report. After doing this whole experiment, 7 of us still had no idea what results he atcually wanted from us. I wonder how we have to struggle to hand in so many reports. I had a dampened day. I just feel like DOING nothing now. Just feel like sleeping. Somehow, my "initiative" is always taken for granted. Don't always expect me to make the 1st move. I will get tired.

I'm so disappointed in myself.

Oh IS SO irritating my internet is having PROBS! >=(! GOSH! anyways went to school at 1 till 3pm. ALmost dropped my wallet. *Phew* Fortunately I got it back! =) Slacked with Valerie till 6pm when training starts. Goodness, my skills deproved much and I sux Now! SO TIRED Man. Trainings from 6 - 9pm. Fortunate me. Mark was on the way at 106 so he sent me home =) =) =) =) All my tiredness was taken away by him! so happy to see him though it was only around 45 mins of time with him sending me home. Thank God you're not posted to combat ^_^ OOOOOO! I'm dead. Teacher wana check the tutorials tmr and I Haven't Lay a finger on it YET! NOooooooo! I GtG now to finish all my tutorials. Nitey guys. NIte Reddy ElMO! =)

*hee* Just finished bathing. Dead tired as lectures all the way from 8 - 5pm! *ZzZz In school Manz* Break was good. Had my lunch with Wanling they all =) Oh yah! And I saw JOEL! -Waves-! Came all e WAY to see WANLING huhz!?!? LOL... k lah I'm just joking =) I know u Came SP for lunch..

After school I went to watched Windstruck with Marky. Rather a nice show. Quite touching, sad, corny, etc etc. Stirred emotions! Hehe and I saw Darren too. Really enjoyed myself today though it was short. But I'm dead tired. Night Guys.

For being a Woman, A mother, sister, daughter, friend, wife, lover.
Be very careful in making a woman to cry. Because God counts her tears. The woman came out from the man's rib. Not from the feet to be stepped on. Not from the head to be superior. But from your side, to be equal. Under the arm, to be protected. And at the heart's side, to be loved. A woman is of true value. If you're a woman, don't cry so much. Because you're always of value and there will always be people who appreciates and love you. Is time to move on.

Catched Spiderman 2 at Cineleisure today. Enjoyed the movie though I had to rush there straight after school. Sighz, school is starting to get busy. Good in a sense that my life is much more fulfilling and occupied. I love it when sch starts. It easily takes things away from my mind. So many practicals coming up..

I somehow feels that I tend to be a very emotional person. Always feeling so much things in my head. I don't like it. Terrible moodswings. Somehow I always feel "alone". In my "world", theres only God I could spoke endlessly to. Only He is there with me. I find life extreme lonely. Its even more lonely without Christ. Somehow I just wished God could send some angels or loved ones to be always here with me. How I envy other people or frens sometimes. I guess its still and yet again "God with me" tonight... Hes the only 1 who knows what I'm going through everynight.

*Yawnz* I'm so tired and so many stuffs I haven't finish doing. But I'm so tired. I just wana sleep... and sleep... and sleep... and sleep~


Loneliness. My inner soul is often lonely with just secrets with God and I. 


The Fossil watch I'm talking about! =) 

Woke up at 8 plus this morning to have Macdonalds Breakfast with Marky. SO filling. -Hehe- Though its only for breakfast, I felt that the time was well spent. Then headed for CITY CHAIN to adjust the watch I bought for him so he can wear it. Woo, show you guys the pic of the watch later =). The seconds can move and I find it special~ Well, so wasted today! about something.............. but nvm ~

And when I reach home, my house was out of water suppLy!!!! *ArGH* Even until now when im blogging... GOSH! =( Can't imagine without water man. Very Xin Ku =P Today is my Daddy's birthday. He is 50 today! Wow so fast~ Time really waits for no Man. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! I LOVE YOU! =) He's the Greatest man on EARTH to me =) Dedicated and hard-working. Managing his work and on the other hand, family very well :) I'm so blessed. OKie, I'm singing off now. Got to go celebrate with my family soon. Tata!

.... Really damn irritating freaking pissed. Damn this saturday Night. Got pissed when I didn't even do anything wrong.

Happy 19th Birthday Ziying. You bring joy in my life. I love you =) 19 De Gu Niang still 1 Duo Hua! HeHe!

Reported at school at 10:30am today for pratical. Didn't really sleep well the whole night, wasn't feeling really well. Had this practical which was rather corny. We are supposed to use sulphate powder, adding some additives undergoing some process to form a tablet. Well those tablets rounded and hard which we often see in the clinics. We really found it amazing. Just 3grams of powder undergoing a simple process lesser than 30mins could convert it into a tablet form! And its so funny... there was this extra tablet on the table and so I picked it up and see. There was this word "Viagra" written on it. Gosh! Its so funny! Its written by 1 of my classmate, Alvin. Haha and the lecturer saw it ~_~

Whole day was rather not used to it cause I couldn't message Mark for last night till today around 5pm cause he dropped his hp in the taxi. Sighz... =( Anyway, today is his birthday. I don't know how u feel about the day, but I tried to give the best to you. Happy 19th Birthday =)

Swear It Again

I wanna know
Who ever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
they were lying

Just look around
And all of the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we're still trying

So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

All over again

Some people say
That everything has got its place in time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
Cos in your eyes
I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying

Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we try
There are some things in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

The more I know of you is the more I know I love you
And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
And the more that you love me, the more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
Gotta let you know that I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain

And I swear it all over again
All over again
All over again
And I swear it all over again

I tried VERY hard in EVERYTHING this time round. God, give me more faith. Dun always disappoint me with negative endings when I try so hard.

Started school at 9am today. Was supposed to end school at 1pm but early dismissal at 11 plus due to briefing of the practical. I thought I woke up late, but Thank God I could reach school in time =) Bought my Bus consession today. 1st time buying it =/ But I thought it would be more worth it.. Made many new friends in school. They are all friendly people. The lecturer started to tell us about our job prospects. Well, it was not as bad as I thought. Kind of cheered me up and motivated me to go on. After school a group of 6 of us, 3girls and 3 guys, actually wanted to have our lunch in Foodcourt 3. But it was so packed as it was lunch time. All the food courts were the same. So we decided to go to Clemnti central and have our lunch there.

Grace said she didn't want to go so it left the 5 of us. We filled our stomachs in the coffee shop and I headed for home. Tomorrow will be a long day with 2 practical sessions. Shitz, I have to wear jeans. Is so hot and im so NOT used to it... Anyway was supposed to catch this Korean movie with my classmates but I didnt go in the end cause we had to wait till 4plus. Heard that show was rather great. Yupz, and I have yet to watch Spiderman2. School starts and I'm so so so tired. Never could get enough time of sleep.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 - Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few.


I'm glad that we cleared alot of issues. Hope everything gets better.

First day of school. Today was supposed to be 8 - 5pm. But since its the first day, its usually briefing and stuffs. So it ended up that we had many breaks like 1 hour plus each interval. Boring... just did some catching up with friends. The lectures now are all in lecture theatres consisting of at least 3 classes. We got the same as Anne they all but they were from the Food tech. So some of the modules were identical...

Tuesday is the worst because from 8 - 5pm we will have lectures throughout. No tutorials, no practicals but whole day of lectures.. ZzZz... Get to see so many unknown faces now cause the lectures are all mixed classes...

Oh yah.. And it so happened that during sec sch days... I had this classmate called Korshiya. I made her cried so terribly in secondary 3 and she even complained to the teacher about me... Yea... =/ And she transferred during end of secondary 3 and her reason was because she was moving house. But it so happened that she was also at chemical process tech. I saw her last year. And both of us was like "Gosh, can't believe she is here!" And oh my... shes in my same tutorial and same lecture class now.. Now i recall back, the whole situation was kind of embarrassed. Now when we saw each other, the feeling is just so not right... sheez... I told my buddies about it cause they were in the same "click/gang" with me you see... And they keep laughing >=( ... Oh, I'm going to see her for the coming 2 years... Well, but God said, Love your enemy! Thats what Joel taught me.. and that is like the HARDEST thing~

All right, I'm signing off now. Will be having a long day tmr.. Gd nite guys ~


I'm better off alone.

Do not take anything as being forever,
because forever is only as long as today.
Know that the people who are the richest,
are not those who have the most, but those who need the least.
That we are at our strongest when life is at its worst,
and at our weakest when life no longer offers a challenge.
That it is wiser not to expect, but to hope,
for in expecting, you ask for disappointment,
whereas in hoping, you invite surprise.

That unhappiness doesn't come from not having something you want,
but from the lack of something inside that you need.
That there are things to hold and things to let go,
and letting go doesn't mean you lose, but that you acquire that which
has been waiting around the corner.

Most of all...
remember to use your dreams as a way of knowing yourself better,
and as an inspiration to reach for your star.

~ Nancye Sims ~



I didn't do anything much. Was basically cleaning my room and reading some books, watching some TV programmes and listening to some songs. How I just wish time could turn back. But no, Time waits for no man.

2 Corinthians 12:9,10 - And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Thanks Joel for sharing this verse with me. I find it extreme true and encouraged.

Today I finally broke down in front of a friend. I think its for the 1st time in my entire life I really cried in front of a friend. Somehow when I think of it now, I felt rather ashame and useless. But I guessed this happened because things were kept in my heart and mind for too long and I could no longer hide it. Totally lost my cool and let the tears flow today. But well, I got better. Thanks for the "viewing cars outside 7-11 dinner". Thanks for being there for me Jasmine. When I really needed someone, I was glad to see you pulling me up. Thanks for everything.

I wished there was someone beside me right now. No need to do anything. But just be there to hear my inner voice. Just be there to fill up the "empty soul". But theres no one....

Im really at lost of words. I feel extreme terrible, horrible and sad that I didn't get into the option I wanted. Why? I really can't see myself in doing something I don't like for the remianing 2 years and attachment. I've tried to appeal. But theres no use... I regretted I didn't study harder this semester. Because of this my future ahead is like gone especially when I'm going to do something I had no interest in...

I feel that I fell right flat down this time... What am I going to do? Theres nothing I can do. I deserve it on my own. Theres no one who can help me right now. Loved ones could only be there for me and console me. I still had to do everything and pull myself back on my very own. I can't let loved ones worry for me and go sad with me.

I've really learnt a bitter lesson this time. I really really feel so sad. But maybe God has His plans for me. He put me through all these for a reason. Right now, all I need is to have faith in myself and to learn from my mistakes so that I won't live to regret again. Afterall, these are part and parcels of life which 1 day I still have to face it and brave through. Maybe like what Joel told me. "God has His plans. Maybe He can't bear to put you in an environment which you cannot cope. So He decided to put you in somewhere you can shine". Thanks JoeL, your talk yesterday had really lifted me up and encouraged me. I want to start anew and pull myself over, but getting there is hard. I need faith.