***WishList***
Driving Licence
FossiL Watch
Motorola V3i
Laptop
Converse new arrival
Ipod speaker
Elle Wallet
Nike Jacket
Fred Perry Shoe
Slip ons
Pony Sneakerz
Ipod Mini
Levis
Toyota Rush (U mus be thinkin im nuts!)
Brikens

Presentation Over!


Hurray, presentation finally over. *HaaHaa* At least 1 load is off ! Its really corny when we present our slides today. While it was Grace's turn, the lecturer suddenly popped out the question asking what is PCC? It was damn hilarious. Everyone was like laughing their head off~ Haha I guess some of you dunoe whats Pcc too. But its better not to know than know LoL...*sighz* Wondering if I should go for training tomorrow as Cindy and Valerie are not going. Only the guys are going. So bored! Plus I wana get teachers' day present tml night. ZzZ Tomorrow got test again~ Never-ending. Taking a break now so I thought of blogging here. GtG fill my stomach now and start studying. Ciao!


Teachers' Day coming!

Everyday I'm so tired. Wake up so early to go school and end so late. *Haiz* havent even start Dr oct's Essay. 40%... sighz... heavy weightage. Next week is holidays!!!! BUT holidays are totally burnt for finishing up all my reports and etc etc. Class got a chalet going on from Next Monday to wednesday. Heard its Pasir Ris that they are booking for our school's 1 week break. I wana go Downtown east!! >_<>_<.. GtG do work now, Nite guys!


Wee~


Went to K-box earlier on at Jurong and after that went to Orchard and get some stuffs. Woo and we saw that Olinda Choo at Paragon buying ice-cream with her parents. So many people were pointing and her talking about her. Guess shes the Hot topic now huhz. *lol* Saw Matt at the M1 shop working. As usual Orchard was so crowded. Sighz, everytime I go out I think about the formal reports I had yet to finish up. *Arghz* Its really piling up.


29th is the date today. It was once an unforgettable date but yet on the other hand now its a must-be-forgotton date.....


And yeah! I finally found and am able to put my FAVOURITE song on this blog!!! This song is just so nice. SO meaningful and full of feelings to me. Hope you guys will like it too. Its really excellent!


A moment like this - Kelly


What if I told you
It was all meant to be
Would you believe me
Would you agree
It's almost that feelin'
That we met before
So, tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
When I tell you love has come here and now


A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this


Everything changes
But beauty remains
Something so tender I can't explain
Well, I may be dreamin' but still lie awake
Can we make this dream last forever
And I'll cherish all the love we share


For A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this


Could this be the reign of love above
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall
So, let me tell you this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people spend two lifetimes
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me


Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Oh, like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Ooh




Just reached home. Went to school for BIA test. The paper was upon 100 marks and I had to rushed the paper as 1hr and 15mins was totally not enough. Did study for the test but it was last minute work again.. *Sighz* wonder if I could scrapped through it. Took the same bus with Ian and we compared the answers. *Shit* Some of our answers were different. Guess those different ones I did wrong. Cause he is much more smarter compared to me. >=( . Then I happened to saw Daniel and Yuxiang on 184. They changed so much ever since sec5. Thinking back, I really do miss my sec sch friends and teammates. *yawnz* Finally I can have a good sleep after all the *Sleepless nights studying for tests*. =)


A change.


Time waits for no men and it passes fast. And they say time heal all wounds. And the fact is that yes, time do heal all wounds. From this morning when I woke up, I realised much stuffs and concepts had changed in my mind. I'm different from today. I want to be stronger. I want to be a fighter. I want to outshine the others. Looking back, I had wasted too much time in picking myself up. But from ytd night onwards, I found a new strength for me to go on. Talking is one thing, doing is another thing. I believe with Jesus in me, I can and I am able to strive. I've found a new strength and purpose for me to work on and move on. Thank God. Finally a new reason to move on.


SINGAPORE IDOL


Did you guys watch Singapore Idol? Man it was great. Totally enjoyed the show. And somehow do make me believe that there are Talents in Singapore, though just a dot on the map, Singapore seriously and indeed do have much uncovered talents. *Grinz* The results of the top 3 will be released at 10pm. Personally I think Jeassea, Olinda (the butch), and David (Ah Beng) will enter and go into the next round. Several contestants really caught my attention. Benjamin Eio, caught my eye with his very CUTE-GUY-NEXT-DOOR look.


But he faired just average to me. Not forgetting David, the 22 year from NUS studying law whom judges said he looked like an ah Beng. LoL~ He doesn't really looked handsome or good but he just have this ability and strength to catch the audience and my attention. Hopefully he enters the top 3. Not forgetting that "tom-boy/Butch" Olinda Choo. Her voice was just so AMAZING and UNIQUE. I really like her singing. And Jessea, the lady who looked like a mixed. I think she was the best performer tonight. Thumbs up for her! Oh yah.. and not forgetting that charming dude~ David De Cruz! Whom the judges commented that he sounds like a CROW. But his looks is really appealing. Will Singapore vote him? For his looks or for his voice? We moved on and see... =)


Personally, I would vote for David and Olinda. =]


Exhaustion


Just reached home not long. Stayed in school to finish up our presentation. Sighz, still have to compile everything and finish the animations and 2 reports by tonight. So exhausted man. Everyday not enough time for sleep. Saturday still have test. *ARGHZ* In school we did funny and crazy stuffs lol.. I think its really signs of stress *Ha*Ha* Angela and James kept giving my tummy exercises. *Goodnessss* =/ Wana catch Singapore Idol now and then finish all my work and start studying for sat's test. Nite pals.


Christina - Fighter


After all you put me through, You'd think I'd despise you. But in the end I want to thank you. 'Cause you made me that much stronger. When I, thought I knew you. Thinking, that you were true. I guess I, I couldn't trust. Called your bluff, time is up. 'Cause I've had enough. You were, there by my side. Always, down for the ride. But your, joy ride just came down in flames. 'Cause your greed sold me out in shame. After all of the stealing and cheating. You probably think that I hold resentment for you. But, oh no, you're wrong. 'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to doI wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through.


So I wanna say thank you. 'cause It makes me that much stronger. Makes me work a little bit harder. It makes me that much wiser. So thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster. Made my skin a little bit thicker. Makes me that much smarter. So thanks for making me a fighter. After all of the fights and the lies. Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore. no more, oh no, it's over. 'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture, I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down. So I wanna say thank you 'cause you made me a fighter.





*Stressed Out*

4 tests down... theres 2 more... think I really did badly for some of it. So stress man everyday life is just rushing reports, presentaion and studying for tests. Missed some of the olympics. Wanted to watch but so much work on hand. Hmm polytechnic system had changed. Holidays shorten. Attachment 5 weeks but during holidays. Hmm will be having my work attachment this November. So my holidays are gone!


Went starbucks today and I got the coupon to redeem 1 for 1. So shitty the caramel frappucino was so darn sweet! not nice at all... no wonder its 1 for 1 =/ ooooo And we saw Chen Taiming the actor of channel 8. Haha he looked abit gayish =/ ...





Im really a Goner.


Sitting in the Macodonalds earlier on,
As I talked to Jasmine,
about my deep & true feelings,
I felt a sudden urge to write,
A sudden urge to draw his face.


I let the words flow which was kept within my heart,
For long, I could finally find a fren to sought.
To do it or not to do it?
Outcome? Is it worth it? or not worth it?
Memories, they just come and go like the wind.
My heart is battling my mind non-stop.


Everything I do is just not right.
Be it school, sports or tests,
without the person you love is just no longer the same.
Your life change,
Your smiles fade,
Your tears flow,
Your actions turned foolish.
Your reactions are called crazy by people.
Your dreams are shattered.


The rain never stops.
Drop by drop.
Just like the pain in my heart.
Drop by drop it covered my tears.
I thought it was over.
I say it was over.
I wanted it to be over.
But deep inside I just know I'm lieing to myself.
It isn't over.
Never so fast.


Grace said I have a sadist blog.
I ain't a sadist.
Friends don't know what I gone through.
They may think I'm stupid.
They don't understand how much Ive given this time.
Even they can see how much I love him.
But the saddest thing is he can never feel it.
He can never understand it.


What should I do?
What Can I do?
This love is burning my heart.
Day by day I just gets worse.
Thought I can just get over everything.
But I'm really losing myself.
I'm slipping away.


Who actually understands my heart?
Everytime I think of your smile,
think of your face,
my heart just sinks deeper.


The lights gone dim,
The music volume had soften,
My heart starts to think about you again.
The phone rang, the sms beeps,
I thought you would still somehow miss me.
Or have things to tell me.
You sound cold. You sound different.
You did change. You did change.
The dropping tears can no longer stop.
It starts to rain.
I'm no longer happy.
My heart is really shattered into pieces.
My heart is really injured.



God, I just miss him so much.
I just hope he is happy and doing well now.
I'm missing someone terribly.
For the 1st time in my life ever,
I felt this pure never ending pain.
And this is killing me.
I didn't know,
I didn't know...
Loving someone wholeheartedly,
Could hurt so much.



Sheena Easton - Almost Over You


I saw an old friend of ours today,
She asked about you,
I didn't quite know what to say,
Heard u've been making the rounds here,
While I've been trying,
to make tears disappear.


Now I'm almost over you,
I've almost shook these blues.
So when you come back around,
after painting the town,
You'll see I'm almost over you...


You're such a sly one,
with your cold, cold heart,
For you leavin' came easy,
but it tore me apart.
Time heals all wounds they say
and I should know
'Cause it seems like forever,
but I'm letting you go.


Now I'm almost over you,
I've almost shook these blues.
So when you come back around,
after painting the town,
You'll see I'm almost over you...


I can forgive you and soon
I'll forget all my shattered dreams
Although you left me with nothing to show,
full of misery,
When you come back around,
after painting the town,
You'll see I'm almost over you...


我想你想得好孤寂 我想你想得好痛心...


The NEVER-SAY-DIE sportswoman.


Watched the Athens04 tabletennis match earlier on when Li Jia Wei Vs Kim from the North Korea. It was really wasted. She almost did Spore proud. Yeah, ALMOST. After 40+ years ever since that body builider guy won Spore an olympic silver. If Li won today, she would have at least $50,000. Man, I think the incentives is really a great motivation. She was actually leading 3-1. No idea why she screwed up in the end. But well she already did her best. Still, we're proud of her =) Just hope she could get the Bronze now =)


On the other hand, Kim from North Korea really caught my attention. Her "NEVER-SAY-DIE" fighting spirit was amazing. I seriously love and admire the determination and confident she has. And during the game, her "stares" were so "PoWer". yeah, though she looked kinda unfriendly and fierce, but just from her eyes, You can see the fighting spirit all over in her. And the 3rd match she even lost Li 11-0! 0! yes.. ko song.. But still she strived and win it all back. Man, I just like this sports woman here. I'm taking on her for the GOLD medal. hopefully she wins it. Cause I just so admire her fighting spirit =)


After the match, went to had Pizza at Jelita.. So full now.. *hehe* After that just strolled awhile and bought the monthly CLEO magazine. And soon we headed for home. 3 tests down.. Finally can take a break tonight and enjoy the Dvds tonight. *hehe* nighty people~


"Walking Away" - Craig David


I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away


sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
s ometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run


but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes
spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live a lie,
too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say baby


I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day


I'm walking away
Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play


Boy I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other gals
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live a lie,
too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights,
I'm sorry to say Boy,


I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away....


窗外阴天了 音乐低声了 我的心开始想你了


灯光也暗了 音乐低声了 口中的棉花糖也融化了


窗外阴天了 人是无聊了 我的心开始想你了


电话响起了 你要说话了


还以为你心里对我又想念了


怎么你声音变得冷淡了 是你变了 是你变了


灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了


滴下的眼泪已停不住了


天下起雨了 人是不快乐 我的心真的受伤了.


Olympics 2004 =]


Reached home early from school. Spent the whole afternoon watching the olympics 2004. Hehe its so nice. There was men's beach volley ball~*HUNKS* haha~, the men's doubles tabletennis, the soccer of Portugal Vs Coasta rico and Portugal lost 4-2 =/. Also caught the Singapore idol. Now down to top 30. The "better" ones. And too bad Susilo lost to the Thai boy ytd night. Wee, tonight got more about the Athens 2004. Theres swimming, tabletennis and blah blah blah. Man, with all these thingys, I just can't study for the tests =)


Woosh~


Went to catch Notebook at the cinema today. I quite like this show. Ryan Gosling look really damn cute and HOT.. *Droolz* haha.. okok thats not the point... The show was about 2 hours. Its not an excellent movie, but I would rate it as nice =) And its based on a novel. Some parts of the show really caused me to get teary and had confusion thoughts. The scenery and backgrounds were good. Somehow watching the show would remind me of so much things. However, I enjoyed myself today. Noah's love for Allie was amazing and incredible. And yes, their love do create miracles =)


Die manz GRACEY~ tomorrow Mee pok's test.. lolz.. =]



Hehe don't you think its a nice view? Romantic place =)
And its in Singapore >_<


LINKIN PARK - NUMB


I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)


I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you


Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
And every second I waste is more than I can take


I've become so numb
I can't feel you there I've become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you


And I know I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you


I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you


I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be


Free rides~

ZzZz dragged myself to school this morning. My parents on leave as my bro is going into the army today. Sighz, he can only be back home after like 3/4 weeks in Tekong. Though not really close with him, I really kind of miss him. My house is so damn quiet. Imagine when I came home from school, I'm all alone in the house~ Sighz.. so quiet.. feels like everyone is walking out from my life. Doesnt really makes a difference.


I have crazy appetites these few days. Eat so damn much that Gracey thinks I'm crazy too. Haha.. 1 tests had past but I think I really flung it =/ coz I didnt study at all ytd and fell asleep. Im such a Piggy Wiggy~Theres still 2 tests coming up this week and 3 more next week + a presentation. *Arghz* Hehe, today I had many free rides. Went to Lohqi's house. Her friends going too and so 1 of her frens driving so he send us there. Cool ~ After her friends left we decided to watch a Dvd. And cool She has NOTEBOOK! the show I so wanted and craved for. But man, buddy, I don't mean it but the quality Hell of sucks! Canot see anything at times. Total black. SHEEZ~


But from what I know its quite draggy, touching, sad, hilarious. I really don't mind watching in the cinema as the quality I watched was really like SHIT~ LoLx~ Then her bro came back so she got the car! Wee! I'm her 1st pessenger. Haha.. Lohqi u drive so kancheong man. But keep saying urself lousy. I guess thats because you're not used to AUTO yet and you're driving a Merz for a beginner. plus its ur 1st time driving after passing your TP! haha.. anyway u owe me supper >_< buddy, thanks for the ride anyways =)



Like damn nice ^_^ 


I wana watch this show =) 

Exhaustion!


All of us who went Sentosa ytd were so damn tired. Most of us dozed off and slept in the lecture hall.. Man, some didn't even came to sch~~ guess we really did overtire ourselves. But isn't it a nice relaxation before the flooded tests ahead? =) Man, really dunoe how to get through those 3 tests this week. Guess I'll be spending less time on my com. And go start studying NOW =] This week is so tight and busy. Plus we are gonna catch NoteBook and I wanna go downtown east~ I don't careeeeee! I want~~~~~~ haha~


Take Me Away


I cannot find a way to describe it
it's there inside
all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do
You do if you knew
What would you do


All the painI thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth
Inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable, come and take me away


I feel like I am all alone
All by myself
I need to get around this
My words are cold
I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you
I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands


I'm going nowhere on and on
andI'm getting nowhere on and on and on
I'm going nowhere on and on and off and on and off and on


Take me away
Break me away
Take me away


Wondering.


Are you happy when you see someone fall? Is it fair to think ure the only 1 suffering from everything? Had I not tried enough to make you turned back? I did. You were the one who set it up and the one who let it go. Baby, I might had done some things which hurt you. But didnt u do to me too? But we're different. Cause all My mistakes will be remebered by you forever. You canot Forget every single thing I had done wrong. That is why you were never SATISFIED no matter how I try. Did you know I keep trying and trying? You don't, you don't, you don't know. You don't know wtf I had gone through. But is over now. Everything is over. Coz u ain't coming back to me. And is time to move on for myself. I'm tired of trying. Its the end.



Did you just just saw that fireworks? >_< 


Woah! Nice right? =] 


Omg! is damn beautiful manz. Just takes my breath away~ 


Cant really capture the fireworks well. 


FIREWORKS!!! 


Waiting for Firewroks to start~ 


Whats that tree doing!? 


Ladies PLEASE smile ! 


Childish guys putting their feets above our heads without us KNOWING >=( 


We looked SHAG after the frispy game! 


haha this is a candid 1 =) 


James extra~ only guy here -.-" anyway, its *SUNSET BAY* 


Wanling and Angela~ Cheese! 

Sentosa and Fireworks!


Wee.. Went to Sentosa with polymates as early as 10am till 5pm. Went to have our dinner and then off to city hall to watch the Fireworks =) Wow the Fireworks damn nice manz!!!!! We really enjoyed ourselves before the upcoming tests. A pity Grace was sick and she couldn't join us. Hehe, played Frispy, Volley ball and canoeing! And finally got some tan~ *Grinz*


I went canoeing with Angela. It was really fun. All of us canoe to the island and swam back. Dead exhausted today manz. And we have to wait 1 hour for shower! grrr... And the guys started complaining about us taking our own sweet time. try being girls and you all will noe -.-" Hope Wanling's leg will recover soon. Got slight injuries from canoeing =( We found ourselves a perfect place to watch the fireworks. Thanks to Jenn wei leading us there. Zita went too but we couldn't find her. After that, we rushed home. Wee and here I am blogging. Im so tired. Yawnz! and tomorrow is 8 - 5 again! ZzZz. I wonder who is the "ex_galfrenz" at my tag. But hey, if you're reading this : Is none of my business on what you gonna do with or to him. Coz I dun F*CKING CARE ANYMORE. u get it? =)


P.S: frenz, Ive uploaded some sentosa and fireworks pics. Those of you who want it can get it from me in MSN.


Letting Go:


Letting go doesn't means I stop caring.


Letting go is to learn abt something beyond.


Letting go means accepting the reality.


Letting go is loving u more coz I only want u to have the best & be happy.


The endless rain...


I'm walking in the rain, though everything seems to be hurting me for some reason. There is only nothing. Just kill me now, as I roam forever. Until I can forget your love. To me sleep is a confusing, narcotic that only quiets the beating heart. All my love seems to flow from my body like a heart felt memory. I keep my love for you to myself.


Endless rain, fall on my heart, in this wounded soul. Let me forget, all of the hate, all of the sadness. Days of joys, days of sadness, slowly pass me by. As I try to hold you, you are vanishing before me. You're just an illusion. When I am awake, my tears have dried in the sands of sleep. I'm a rose blooming in the desert. It's a dream, I'm in love with you. Hold me warmly in your arms.


I awake from my dream. I can't find my way without you. The dream is over. I can no longer hear the voice of your gentle words. Floating off tear stained walls. So awakening in the morning, I'll move into my dreams ...until I can forget your love.



Nice Day

Went to school from8 to 5.. really tired manz. Today's lab was alright. Just that my whole hand is Smelled of Chloroform~ eekz!... After school, I went to meet Ziying and Shihui at Holland V. A pity Miao and Hui wasn't joining us. Went to the Coffee bean and chilled. We talked about the good old days in sec sch. Man, sec sch days were the best man~ Juz can't help but always leave a smile on my face. Haha, then Ziying started to get vain n suggested taking pics wif some stupid pose =p. Thanks to Shihui, I finally could upload the pics. Hehe, do scroll down to take a look at the pics =) Then after that, we went to have dinner and reached home around 10pm. Had a heart-to-heart talk with Shihui. Definitely felt better. Man, will be having 5 tests in the coming 2 weeks, 1 presentation, and some reports. *Argh* I really have TO START studying man. Hey Shihui, Ziying and Jas, good luck for your coming tests this week =) nitey nite.



Ziying and Shihui in da Coffee Bean. You rock Girls~ 


In the Coffee Bean. Miss Hu Ziying, don't scold me for ur swollen eye pls~ you're still beauty Queen =) 


Miss Birdy face we look damn bitchy in this KTV pic manz. Hehe I missed the good old days =) 


Cool Jie and me. Oh manz, Shihui u look damn COOL~ 


Oh man, we really do look like a couple. I love u Ziying! haha Muackz~ =p 

My heart..


They say the mind is stronger than the heart. But the heart is the one that doesn't tell lies. And my heart is true. Im missing someone so horribly. I really really misses him. And everytime when I do, my heart starts to ache. I miss him. So so so much that none of you can ever imagined or feel.


Life...


I'm afraid to look ahead. I don't know want to know what I will find. But lately I've been thinking and a few things have come to mind. Where will I be tomorrow when the sun begins to rise? Where will I be in 20 years when I look back and remember the time? Life is just a passing thing. It was never meant to stay. We were all put here together, but could be taken back any day.


Friends come and go. And relationships never last. But these are the good old days, the ones that will fill our past. Don't let these days slip away, you'll never get them back. You were put here to live, and you're never going to last.

"I asked God to give me happiness. God said, 'No. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you'."

*Yawnz*

Mum is finally back home. Man I missed her so much. And thanks to her she got all the Dvds I wanted =) Wee.. theres the Catwoman, Bryan adam's concert, shrek 2, etc etc... Hmm didn't went to Doctor Octopus's lesson. thanks Grace for helping us signed the attendance. Actually wanted to stay at home and finished up my reports but decided to go for training in the end. Went there early to meet Val. Hey there, thanks for lending me your ear today and giving me your advices. It did helped and let me see certain things in life. I truely appreciate the heart-to-heart talk with you today. Hmm.. brought everything for training and later did I realised I forgotten my racket! SHEEZ....... whats happening im so BLUR. But well, I still trained.. night guys~ Ciao~


Wow.

Went to holland v to have lunch with a friend. Took bus 75 and past his house. Decided to drop at his bus stop trying my luck and see if I could see him as I really misses him. And goodness, there he was. I walked up to him and we talked. And he asked me if I could stay longer. To talk some things out. I felt so delighted but incredible at the same time. Its been so long since we last saw each other. Somehow the tears flowed when we talked. It was yet another time we shared tears together. Not forgetting he once told me " I like it when I cry Qi, coz that is when I know its real." Somehow we managed to make it up and I was so happy. Couldnt describe what more I want.


As it was getting late, I told him I need to go. Promising dad I need to help him to get the pizza ingredients. I went to cold storage, bought quite alot of things. As I walked to my car at the carpark, I saw a pouch on the floor. I picked it up and wow, it was panasonic X66 handphone. looked around and doesn't seems to have someone looking for it. Felt extreme delighted as I could sell it for money as Im really in need of it. But rather felt guilty at the same time.
Went to my dad's car, a red Nissan Cefiro. Put all the stuffs at the back seats and started to drive home. It was an amazing day. The most happy moments and the most wonderful day when everything turned out so well.


Suddenly, my handphone alarm rang. That was when my heart shattered. To realised that it was only a dream. DREAM is only a name given when GOALS and AMBITIONS and SOMETHING WE REALLY WANT IN LIFE can't be fulfilled or obtained. How all of you wished it wasn't a dream for me right? Giving him back to me, getting my driving liscence, able to get cash, its the things I wanted and needed most now. But it was the nicest dream I ever had. That I don't ever wanna wake up from it. It was a dream. Yes.....It was... Indeed...


But its really amazing. That I had this nice dream, all-in-one, and its practically everything I yearned for. Its totally different from my previous dreams. This one was just a dream I wished I would never ever wake up to face the reality. Its the best dream I ever had.


Can't sleep........


Falling apart..

Went to General hospital today as the national eye centre was there. So I skipped the afternoon lectures. It wasn't my contact lenses. My left eye got strained too much and the muscles tears causing the vessels to be extreme red. I felt very sorry for daddy as he had to pay 80 + just for bringing me to see the left eye.


Have you ever lost someone all of a sudden? In a blink of eye? Have you ever felt so much pain in your heart? Have you ever been so determined to forget someone but you just failed and failed? Have you ever cried so much that you starts to tear whenever you listen to songs? Have you ever been always putting a brave front telling your friends that "I'm Ok" and give them a fake smile when all these while you actually just felt pain inside you? Have you ever take 1 hour to think of what sms to send to a person and in the end you ended up didn't sending any at all?


Have you ever tried so hard to forget someone but he keep appearing in your lonely mind? Have someone ever appeared in your dreams so many nights in a row?
Have you ever felt so wasted that you couldn't change your flaws in time for that someone? Have you ever know how it feels when you start to think that next time another person will be sharing with him the dreams the 2 of you used to share? Can you imagine someone taking your place in his heart?


Do you know what it is like when you're trying your best to listen to lectures but somehow the memories of that someone always flood your mind? Do you know what its like to fight your own tears and not letting it dropped when you're alone on your way home be it the bus or train? Have you ever cried so hard in your room that your parents suddenly came in and you had to lie to them its because you're under the stress of studies? Have you ever think and miss someone so much that you have sleepless nights?


Have you ever wondered how long exactly it will take you to forget that 1 person? And did you ever know how that person feels right now? If that person is happy? Doing well? Or have that person already found a someone in his new life? Is that person as sad as you? Is he missing you as much as you does? Or are you already a history to that person? Have you ever take a look at yourself in the mirror and realised that you're such a weakling? That everytime you said out loud that you want to forget that someone but eventually you're still back at square one?


Have you ever felt what its like when strangers who walked past you used to have the smell that you once smell in him when the 2 of you were so close? Have you ever give in 100% in a relationship and know how it tasted when it ends just in a blink of eye? Have you ever gone through the thought that every morning when you wake up, u have to face the fact that you had already lost that someone? Have you ever been called 'stupid' by the people surrounding you saying that you're still thinking of that someone? Have you ever cried so much for someone that you almost ended up with an eye-infection? Have you ever tried to bury that someone in your heart when you don't even want or feel like it? I have.


Happy Natinal Day!

Today is National Day. =) happy birthday Singapore. Woke up quite late, read some papers and had breakfast with daddy. Changed and went to Orchard with Daddy. Dad needed to get so many stuffs. *_* Tie, blouses and working shoes. Surprisingly, Takashimaya was rather quiet =/ Something is really wrong with my left eye. Actually wanted to make a new pair of spectacles but didn't in the end. The shop owner told me my left eye ain't looking good and urged me to see a doctor immediately. *Argh* This is getting so vexed. Dad wanted to send me to GH but it didn't open as it was public holiday. The annoying thing is we can't go to any clinic. Need to go somewhere with an eye specialist.


I'm so sad. Dad said it was due to my contact lenses. And he kept nagging at me. :( I told him I don't wanna go to school tomorrow and he shouted at me :( Why can't i just skipped schol and go to GH rite? I feel so down. I hoped its not eye-infection. Shit me.... >=(


Hmm

*Yawnz* So tired. Haven't touched any of my homework or reports yet and they are piling up! I miss MuMMy so much. Miss her sacarstic teasing and remarks about me =( Hope Shirting mei is doing alright. Hey if you're reading this, do conentrate on your A levels. Put the sad stuffs behind you alrightz? -Hugz- Downloaded 2 soundtracks from the movie Windstruck. Its really nice. Hehe thinking about the show makes me laugh. Simply corny yet touching. Yea and its simply a wonderful memory to me. Afterall its the 1st show he and I got teary =)


Thank God, somehow I seemed to be able to start to smile at the funny memories that he and I used to hold & share. A few weeks or days back, memories would make me teary. Yesterday till today, they are starting 2 leave a smile back on my face. I guess that is life. Thank God for letting me know and taste how and what true love was like. Thats when we learnt from our past mistakes and make sure we do not commit them again when we found our next partner. Well, frens tell me not to give up the forest for a tree. I won't. Hehe.. But I guess its family, frens, God and studies right now till I finally met the right 1 God gives me. Hey, I still believe in a thing called LOVE k? I ain't turning lesbian for goodness sake! #(#&$)*#^$@(#*



*Smile at least once a day* 

Yawnzzz

Went to Cineleisure earlier on to catch a movie. *Arghz* Orchard was flooded with people and there was human jam practically everywhere. Before that, went to Thoing Bahru plaza and bought a pair of shoes =) Wee.. its been a long time since I really shopped or buy something. We actually wanted to watch Brotherhood. But ARGHZ, no seats left except front rows. Sheez, always didn't have the chance to catch that show. So we ended up watching mean girls. Er, I think its quite a lame movie. Not really nice =/ Had been watching many movies lately. Better start saving up. And I want to apply for the UOB card. Wanted to continue shopping after movie but I decided to go home as my left eye starts to feel pain. Sighz, I really just wish my left eye will become "white". It looked so ugly with 1 part of it whole red... Saw many familiar faces and frens at Orchard..


Mum went to China for holidays and business trip. I really miss her. Didt like staying at home at this hour as its sooooo quiet. Mummy is in overseas, brother going to army in 2 weeks time, and Daddy went to play Golf. Well, but fortunately I have many VCDs to accompany me! =] Havent been learning driving for a long time and I want to resume with it next week. Yea, and I wana catch Brotherhood! So many people told me is so damn touching. Even guy frens tell me they cried >=/ Really huhz? I Must catch it this coming week!


...........

8 more days till 1 month since everything. Why am I still holding and fighting back my tears? Why can't I be as strong as the other half is? I wished I was like Drew barrymore in 50 first dates. Its a blessing. I wished my heart was made of steel. But its more likely as soft as a cotton wool. God, Please set me free. Please... far away from misery. I hate this. I must be strong. I have to. So what if I cry for him? Will he knows? No, he NEVER will. So what the hell is wrong with me? Just wiped that bloody tears again and stop whinning like an idiotic girl. Stopped the irritating wishful thinking and stop the wasteful time waiting. Stop being a weakling and face the cruel fact. And stop hurting that own precious eye of mine. Just wad the hell is wrong with me... Maybe someone should just slapped my annoying face hard.


Meaningful Email.

I LOVE YoU NoT BeCAuSE OF WhO YoU ARE,
BUT BeCaUSE OF WhO I AM WHeN I Am WiTh YOU.....
No MaN Or WoMaN Is WoRth YouR TEaRS, AnD ThE OnE WHO is,Won'T MaKE yOu CrY.....
JuSt BEcAusE SomEoNE dOEsN't LoVE YoU ThE Way YOu WAnt TheM TO,
DoESn't MeAN TheY thEY DoN't LoVe YoU WitH aLL ThEY HaVE
A TrUe FrIeNd Is SoMeONE wHo rEAcHes FoR YoUr hANd AnD ToUchES YouR hEART.


THe WorST wAy To MiSs SomEoNE iS tO Be SittINg RiGhT bESIdE ThEM KnOWinG YoU CaN'T HaVe ThEM...
NeVeR FrOwN, EveN WhEN YoU ArE SAD, BeCaUSe YoU NeVer KnoW WhO Is FaLLinG In LoVe With YouR sMile
To ThE WoRLd YoU MaY Be OnE PErSON, BuT tO oNe PeRsOn YoU MaY bE ThE wORLD .......................


DoN't WaStE YoUR TiME On A MaN/WoMaN, WhO Isn't WiLLiNG tO WasTe ThEiR tImE On You...
MaYbE GoD WaNtS Us To MeeT A FeW WrOnG PeOPLe BeFOrE MeeTiNg tHe RigHt OnE,
So ThaT WheN We FinaLLy MEet ThE PeRson, We WiLL KnOw HoW To Be GrATefUL..
DoN't CrY BeCAuSE It iS OvER,SmILE BecAUsE It HAppENed.
ThErE's AlWaYS gOInG To bE pEOpLE tHAT hURt yOu So wHAt yOU HaVe To DO iS KeEp On TRusTiNg
And jUsT Be MOre CarEfUL AboUt WhO YoU tRuSt nExT tIme ArOuNd..


MaKE YOurSeLf A BETtEr PeRSon AnD KnOw whO YoU ARe BefORe YoU TrY AnD KnOw SoMeOnE ELSe ANd ExPecT TheM To KnOw YOu...
DOn'T tRy So HaRd,ThE BesT ThIngS CoME WhEn YoU LeasT ExPeCt TheM tO......



Bad day in school. practical screwed up. Sigh... Catched I robot at 7pm. Average show. Not bad or not excellent. Left eye had been extreme red for 3 days continuously. Bought a "Red eye eye drop". Hopefully it helps. Pray that I don't get eye-infection.. sighz... shitified.


BLUE

On this isolated beach without a single soul, the wind blowing past the clear blue sea.... Walking step by step on the sand, looking at my own footsteps. One person, a step at a time, feeling so lonely. Looking at the bit green sea, clear blue sky, I felt that the past love was of some regrets. Wanted to swim to the deepest part of the sea, but later did I realised, you had already given up on me.

Listening to the smooth waves sound caused by the sea, looking at the clouds moving past my head, what solutions do I have to let myself forget all these entirely? Only blue.. only Blue... Love really causes depression and melanchoy... my heart.. my heart.. is blue.. so so so blue.. I really feel like finding a boat, leaving far far away from this beach. Each time I came across the same beach, I still think about you.. But when I think about you, I feel blue.. But no one can ever give me the memories you had once given me.. Blue.. My heart just feels so blue. Only blue.


Lin Jun Jie - Endless Road -
The truth is tearing up my heart
I can't recognize this place
The endless road without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time


Why am i still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder How we could be together
Every time i ask if this would be the last


Why am i still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather but it just draws me deeper
How do i get out of this I think i never will


A crystal forming in the eye Maybe this would be the last
The winding pathdown my face
Till i begin to taste the bitterness inside


Why am i still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder How we could be together
Every time i ask if this would be the last


Why am i still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather but it just draws me deeper
How do i get out of this I think i never will


New Blogskin.

Overslept =/ Missed school. So I decided to stay at home and do my work instead. Since I have time, changed a new skin which totally describes me and suits me. My mind is all left with confusion, anger, sadness, etc etc. But well, a new beginning and a new start which I have to slowly adapt myself to. Over tired myself with the training yesterday. *Yawnz*

Valerie's mum opened a new hp shop. Told us she could give us cheaper prices if anytime we are getting a new phone. Am planning to get a new motorola V600 without line from her. Hopefully she could give me a good price. Tests are coming up. I better buck up >=(.


My Day...

Woke up at 8am. Lilttle bit of research. Packed stuffs. Left for school early for group discussions. Had lunch. Slacked. Attended 2 hours of lectures. Briefing on major essay. Ate 2nd round of lunch with team mates. Training starts. Sparring with Val and Cindy. Friendly matches with the guys. Talked to coach. Hungry. Went home. Exhausted. Walked home from bus-stop. Close to tears. Sad. Lifted myself up. Pull myself through. Reached home. Here I am. Blogging. Turtorials. Reports. Praying. Bedtime. The end of the day. =/



David Tao Ze - Hei Se Liu Ding

今天我心情有一点怪怪 可是说不出到底为什么
好像有一点悲哀的征兆 可是病因不知道
头上有橘色的加州阳光 我的口袋只有黑色的柳丁
我只有一个蓝色的感觉 不要问我为什么

很想说 但又感觉没有话好说 我只恨我自己 逃不出这监狱
或许我 是个没有出息的小虫 不该一直作梦 你不是个英雄
叶子用坠落证明换季 可我昏昏沉沉没有办法醒
你愿意做个英雄 还是你会要放弃
天是亮的却布满乌云 所有焦距被闪光判了死刑
你想做什么英雄 我看你不过是佣兵
我只想哭 只想哭 只想哭
我只想哭 只想哭 只想哭

今天一起床我就头痛 不管吃了几瓶药都没有用
心情有一点莫名的焦躁 你离我越远越好
外面有橘色的加州阳光 我却躲在自己孤独的黑洞
我只有一个小小的要求 就是请你leave me alone
很想说 但又感觉没有话好说
我只恨我自己 逃不出这监狱
或许我 是个没有出息的小虫 不该一直作梦 你不是个英雄

叶子用坠落证明换季 可我昏昏沉沉没有办法醒
你愿意做个英雄 还是你会要放弃
天是亮的却布满乌云 所有焦距被闪光判了死刑
你想做什么英雄 我看你不过是佣兵
我只想哭 只想哭 只想哭
我只想哭 只想哭 只想哭

今天我心情有一点烂烂 可是说不出到底为什么
好像有一点悲哀的征兆 可是病因不知道
我只想哭 只想哭 只想哭
我只想哭 只想哭 只想哭
我只想哭 只想哭 只想...
P.S: To see the chinese words, click on view, encoding, then chinese simplified.

A new day.

School was long and tiring. Couldn't help dozing off in lectures. Quizes and formal reports coming up. Busy. Life starts to get busy. Thank God. I want to occupy myself as much as possible. Planned to watch movie today but cocked up >=(. Postponed to next Tuesday again... *Grrr* Theres so many movies I had yet to catch. Great, next Monday theres no school as it will be National day =). Theres so much homework I haven't touched yet. I really have to start doing all of them tonight. I had a tired day. Saw Joel in 184 on my way home =/ so ENgrossed in reading A Story book =/ ... Actually wanted to meet Jasmine but cancelled since we'll be going out on Friday.

Had a bad experience in school's Pizza Hut today >=(. The manager forgot our orders. And we waited 30 - 40mins for our Lagsane.. Ok.. dunnoe how to spell. And thanks Grace and Wanling for MOCKING AT the way I pronounced LASAGNE? haaz.. Today was better than yesterday. I was determined to forget many stuffs. Somehow I feel that we should trust no one except your family and soulmates. Because when we pin our hopes high and hoped for something badly, we get extreme hurt when it is usually a Let down. Yes, many people had told me its not worth it. Its really not worth it making my own life upside down just for 1 person. Its easy for them to say but very hard for me to do it. But somehow, I finally felt the change in me ready to let go and stand up all over again. Thats because I have close and supporting friends by my side. Not forgetting my saviour, Jesus =)


Theres Nothing to say. In my heart, my life, is just left with God and my parents. Thats all I have now and Im going to cherish it.

"For I know the plans I have for you. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."


SLeep

My eyes are red and they hurtz. Think I need sleep badly. Wouldn't be shedding anymore uneccesaary tears again. Night people.


Motivated

I totally regretted not going to CHC with Joel today to join him with his friends on the Sunday service. He told me about this very cool sermon and Pastor during that night when we watched that "eternity" play. That pastor, who specialises in inner healing, deliverence, etc etc would be coming today. How amazing could it be if I am able to actually watched a pastor Healing someone right? Had never ever seen it with my own eyes before. But well, what happened to Joel today made a great impact in my life. And made me feel the prescence of God strong again.

Pastor Mike Connel came and from what I heard from Joel, he decided to give a deliverance today and the healing of broken hearts. Broken hearts? Did he mention that? I really regretted not going! And I missed the online broadcast on that service. Sighz, I really regretted! Ok.. out of about 2000 people, Pastor Mike called out 3 people. There was 3 deliverance cases. And this is when something amazing happened...

He went to the 1st sector and said "there is this person here, who uses the internet and he got caught up by some stuffs on the internet. the images on the internet keeps coming back to him and its affection his relationship with God. if you are the one, raise up your hands and come down now." When he said that Joel felt burdened and it totally describes him. "come on now, don't be afraid" and Pastor Mike kept repeating the problem over and over again."this person is around 18 years of age." Joel was scared. He kept asking himself if he should go down. Finally he said - "this is your last chance for God to remove the suffering. you are seated near the top rows." On the 3rd call, he finally went down. And the pastor said "here you are =)"

Joel felt ashamed. And the whole church was so quiet wif every pair of eyes on him. Then the pastor started to laid his hands on him and started praying for him. This is so amazing. But Joel felt very lost. But thank God, God chosed to save him! I heard the 2nd case was a girl. She had drifted away from God because she had r/s problems. And she cried and struggled when the Pastor laid his hands on her to heal her. Joel couldnt recalled the 3rd case as his mind was already feeling so empty.

I'm glad you shard this once in a life-time experience with me Joel. God really does listen and answer to our Prayers and I'm happy for you today. The change in you. I really regretted not going today and missed the online sermon. I could already feel the "tense" in the whole CHC auditorium. Those of you who are reading my blog, don't mind clicking on Joel's name on my links and see what he wrote today for his post? Because its a once and a life time experiece that will enable us to really feel the Power and presence of our Lord, Jesus =). This is really AMAZING! regretted that I didnt go~

http://www.baycity.org.nz/html/body_m_connell_ministeries.html <--- This is the pastor.


White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of It's over
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All I was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


Its gone like the wind. No use waiting for something that will never ever return already. I had lost everything.


Sometimes Love just Ain't Enough

I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
just to have sombody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
and I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry

and I don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth

I keep thinking something's gonna change
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where I used to lay

And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough